If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
