I'm so fucking centered right now
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
