READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
