Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
