The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
