Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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