People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
