turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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