this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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