was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
