i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
