Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
