Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
