Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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