the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
