it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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