I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
