My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
