I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
