I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
