dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
