I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
