Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
