can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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