Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
