She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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