I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
