YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
