Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
