I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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