Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
