so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it because I queefed?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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