I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
