I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think my mom watched the whole time
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
