yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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