I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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