And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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