Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
