so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
