so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
