Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
