I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
