We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
