i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
