you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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