I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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