wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
