JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
