guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
