I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
